Desperate for Jesus

Today, I am reminded that I have allowed my tendency of running away to affect how I pray about and handle my emotions and grief. I have allowed these things to go deeper into my spirit and even unintentionally cultivate my own emotional storage place – just for untouched emotions and grief.

If we were honest, we could say we all have one. But, how are we willfully beginning to “spring clean” in our hearts by the power of Jesus Christ – our great Redeemer?

While emotions and grieving come from living as a human in a fallen world, these are things God wants to help us process. He wants to help us to experience His peace, as we move through the darkest valleys of our lives.

I am reminded of the Mark 5 man who had many needs, and became desperate for Jesus. He knew there was only One who could help him. And, this man’s testimony is one I always need to hear.

Desperately Seeking

We have countless biblical examples of people who became sick of their circumstances and became desperate for Jesus. That’s where we need to be. At that very moment of becoming desperate for Jesus and turning to Him, their lives changed for eternity.

. . . And I doubt they ever looked back – except to say, “Look what Jesus Christ, my Redeemer, has done for me!”

I am finding myself desperate and coming to Jesus. I am letting go of this pretending nature that I am somehow fine with the way my health has acted these past several months.

After my cry of desperation, I am met with peace. The kind that only Jesus can provide. While He promises us that life will be hard, just as it was for Him, we are also reminded that He goes with us. He promises to be our Comforter (see Jn 14:16, 26; 16:33).

God’s Comfort

During today’s infusion, I was able to just sit and read the words of Isaiah 40:1-9.

Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, . . . she has received from the Lord’s hand double for all her sins. . . You who bring good news. . . lift up your voice with a shout, lift it up, do not be afraid; say . . . , “Here is your God!” (Isa. 40:1-2, 9; NIV)

God calls out for His people to be comforted! God wants us to know that He is coming back and making all things new. He is offering to us forgiveness of our sins, through His Son Jesus Christ – the Messiah!

Through Jesus Christ, we all can find our way back to God! My friends, let us rejoice in this. . . as we desperately run to Jesus!

As we run to Jesus, we will see God do such a renewal in our lives. He will make us new in many ways, as we bask in our new relationship with Him. Relationships restored. Shear joy and peace. Overwhelmed by His goodness. Completely satisfied in Him.

Lord Jesus, please fix us. We are all falling apart, and in desperate need of You!

Walking with you,

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New Year’s “Hang Over”

Tonight is New Year’s Eve. I made a plan last week to go out to a little party thing. Today, I tossed and turned about going. The habit of living fearlessly is something we can all pursue. I do, for the most part, try and keep on the fearless mask. However this whole “fearless” act I have going on, well I was not that for a good part of today.

I am one of those people whose personality traits include: introversion and being highly sensitive (otherwise known as HSP).

Obviously, it sounds easier to stay home at this point. Right? I mean, I could have used pouring rain as an excuse. I have loads of excuses, besides the valid one of “people freak me out” (a whole new level of honesty, I know). I really do love people, friends, family, random strangers I connect with, as long as I have room in my human interaction cup.

I literally have nothing to offer anyone if my human interaction cup is full

Excuses Versus . . .

I had a moment of realization tonight. I do things like attend social gatherings, when part of me struggles with it, because I want to honor God with my entire life. If it wasn’t for God, I would not push past the fears or moments of struggling to face the world when my spirit is hung over (detailed explanation below). It’s pretty simple for me. They say you need a “why,” for goals and such.

Here is my why: I don’t want to miss out on opportunities to bless God, because I was too afraid. So, I wrestle between being fearful versus fearless. On one side, I have introversion where human interaction can literally suffocate my spirit. And on another, I have the hindrance of being a highly sensitive person where too much stimulation causes me to run away and never return if given the option.

I want Jesus, my King, to be lifted high in my life. And I know, God can do miraculous things – even when I am scared out of my mind.

… Jesus is why I can step out of my comfort zone and face peopling, even when my spirit screams “I am done for the week. I need silence!”

The Hang Over

With peopling and being overstimulated (noise, lighting, people, reacting more deeply, etc), I face something I call a “hang over”. It is simply from overwhelming my spirit. My spirit becomes intensely weighed down, that it is hard to interact with anyone in a meaningful conversation or watch a favorite show without adding to it. My spirit is just scattered, beyond overwhelmed, and struggling to just get through it. My spirit, in some ways, becomes paralyzed. Everything becomes difficult. That is the best way to describe it to a non-introvert.

… And, the answer is “recharging”. I have to take a “time out,” and allow myself to recover. I have to allow myself the time and space to process and recover from the past few days or weeks of human interaction and a heavy load of stimuli.

Jesus Christ, my Beloved Savior, is the One who walks me through this process of welcoming the new year and process through the past few days or weeks.

 

Introvert Speaks: Guilt-Free Expectations

Let me begin, by saying this one thing:

God has given me the most amazing fellow readers and bloggers to enjoy life alongside – as I write and wrestle with this innate desire to be relational.

Thank you ladies and gents, for being soo amazing!

Thank you for allowing me to be real about my struggles – in this safe place. No guilt. No judgment. Just love that brings me closer to my Creator!

The guilt from being relational is real.

It is real, because there is this expectations that most are not willing to meet.

Even though, it can cause me to feel guilty at times. And even if it seems consuming, at times, this is a desire God will use.

Confession

Wanna know what kills me, though? Can I be honest something?

The relationships I view and experience, are often different from those God has designed for His Church. Think about it.

The Church is designed to live, breathe, and work together.

None are designed to go off on their own. We are even given a few important and impactful messages on the Christian community.

Like in Hebrews 10:23-25, where we are taught….

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Also, in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12…

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

When You Haven’t Missed the Boat

Clearly, I am not “missing the boat” in craving relationships with depth. It is backed up with what Scripture teaches us.

Abundant Life –

See, the thing is – God has this AMAZING, abundant life in store for us. As believers, who have wholeheartedly put their trust in Jesus Christ, we have the opportunity to have different kind of relationships than what the world chases after.

Bottom Line –

Bottom line: We were made to have someone invest in our lives, and vice versa. If we are not be filled with God and His Family, we will seek it somewhere else.

I am clawing for relationships of depth.

I am loving the reassurance that God has made our relationships for more.

I am clinging to the Word of God that teaches us the truth about the relationships we seek.

Because the world we live in, it can treat us, as though, we are asking far too much of people. Just to have them be present in our lives. It can lead us to feel, as though, there is just something wrong with us.

Guilt-Free Relationships

But, we aren’t asking too much of people – to simply be present in our lives.

To invest in our lives.

To love us right where we are. Mess and all.

It is not too much. It is not a matter of us needing to settle for complacency.

It is a matter of reviving relationships beyond the superficial gunk that is just going to distract us from the things of God.

It is within these relationships of depth and substance, that we find our Savior Jesus standing, smiling, and welcoming to His table and to experience His Kingdom.

God has so much more in store for us.

… if we would just quit settling.

We Deserve… Frends

We don’t need more followers.

We just need friends.

Legit friends. Friends that are willing to take the time to be with us. Friends that are willing to pour themselves in our lives.

Because the truth is – we deserve to have friendships where we are being poured into – rather than being depleted. We deserve to not only encourage, but be greatly encouraged. We deserve people to step into our lives, when the world steps out.

We deserve to have friends who are willing to take us to Jesus no matter what the cost.

We deserve friends that look more like Jesus, rather than settling for the acquaintances of this world – who have nothing of substance to offer us in the long run.

We deserve people to can step into our suffering, and mourn alongside us.

We deserve friends that carry us to Jesus – no matter what the cost.

Five Minute Friday – Grow

Five-Minute-Friday-4-300x300Welcome to this week’s edition of Friday Minute Friday!
This week’s theme is “grow. To learn more about Five Minute Friday, please visit Kate’s blog for more details… Each week, a community of bloggers come together with the common goal is to spend five unedited minutes to write on a topic.

Growing Up in Christ

“Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church (Eph. 4:15).”

This summer, I know I need to be deliberate- if I want to see growth in

~  my love relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ.

~ the area of writing, and honing this gift God has given me.

~ the kind of relationships I have with other believers in Jesus Christ.

~ the treasure discoveries I make, as I study Jesus and His Word.

Growth Steps

If I want to grow, I must be deliberate.

So, I am taking steps. Because, I do want to see that growth.

Here is what I have been doing.

♦ Studying Philemon and Jude for the month of May (join us on Instagram and Facebook using the hashtag #GOScriptureWriting).

♦ Writing up a Scripture Writing Journal for a 6 week plan using the book of Ephesians (stay tuned its release date! My hope is to study it for the months of mid June/July – so )

♦ Keeping coloring books and utensils on hand, to keep me calm and focused on how to make the absolute best out of my days.

♦ Make writing a habit.

♦ Welcoming silence into my life. As an introvert with Dysautonomia, I know having that silence is a really important thing.

♦ Continuing to plug along in my exercise routine the best as I can. Some days, I have to skip a work out due to Dysautonomia/Pots. Other days, I have to journey at a slower pace. It is not about trying to lose weight, but see that growth as a person who faces health concerns that make exercise a difficult journey.

How are you pursuing deliberate growth in your life?

In Order…

In order to grow and become more like Jesus, I need to take proactive steps to make this summer one of tremendous growth – and – not a time of defeat and stunted growth.

I have no idea what this summer season holds in store for me. But, I do believe I am nearing a place of saying…

“I am ready. Whatever You will, Father. Let’s make this journey together! I am trusting You to get me through this, and to help me grow leaps and bounds as Your daughter and one who is following You as her King of Kings!”

Introvert Speaks: The Complexity of Being Relational

I have a confession to make.

I don’t always value how God has uniquely made me, as a relational introvert. Can anyone relate to that? (Ha!) 

I know that I am… His daughter. Loved and chershed by my Savior!

And yet, there is that nagging quality about my personality, that sometimes I wish I could rewire myself (yet, I press on knowing God knows exactly what I need to be).

On the days, where my efforts seems misused, I wish I wasn’t so relational.

These Longings

If I were to describe this nagging feeling, I would have to say it is a longing for deep community that etches past everything else that seems to matter in comparison. The drive isn’t for money or fame. It is for community, true community.

As you think about your friends who are highly relational, consider their perspective as you read through the rest of today’s post…

It is a deep burden sitting on top of my spirit, to build real relationships with other people. With others who are trying to figure out what it means to trust and follow Jesus Christ on a daily basis. To figure out how to keep meeting together, in an Acts 2 fashion.

It is.. to discover how to appropriately welcome others to invest in my life, not just in their life.

I want the kind of relationships that God has intended humanity to have with one another and Him too.

This is why God has gifted me with these heavy longings. This right here. A deeper community with His Church. With His people.

These longings can be described as a craving for God-designed relationships, and not settling for technology driven relationships – where it is socially acceptable to ignore our friends or get so wrapped up in us that we forget about them (I am not excluded from this observation, either).

It is about His Church. His beloved. Who stand in need of what you are. They don’t need more time, social media or its followers, or anything else. They just need you. The blessing of who you are.. The blessing of what you can bring to the table with your community.

Here’s What I Want

I want an Acts 2 kind of relationships.

These fluffy, superficial, relationships. Those, I don’t want. I will settle for them, if I must. But, if you want to know my heart, this is what I am chasing after…

I want a community… that is…

  • Completely for me.
  • Take quality time together seriously.
  • Take the responsibility of being there for one another – seriously.
  • Willing to keep me accountable.
  • Will pour God’s love and Word over my life.

God designed us for a better form of community. Whether or not we are seeking it, is an entirely different question…

And, it is one I am willing to fight tooth and nail for.

I am willing to risk every fluffy relationship to gain these rich relationships I was made for.

Because, the community God has designed His people for. It’s more than worthy of fighting for.

The Fight Against Complacency

In this battle of fighting for relationships where we can connect and relate to one another, there is a lot put on the line. Because, I don’t want to settle. I don’t think we are expecting enough of each other.

And, this challenge of being relational affects our level of complacency. It challenges our way of living comfortable, where we don’t have deep relationships where our sin is called out, God’s Word is loudly announced in our relationships, and we can walk together heart-and-heart as we seek God…

God’s Design for Community

This is the kind of community God invites Christians toward. This is the kind of community of believers we can become. This is where we experience God and His people at its fullest. This is what I want. This is what I am willing to fight for. I am willing to put everything else on the line, to pursue these kind of God-honoring relationships. Let’s not forget the blessing of a deeper, richer, community of believers we find in Acts 2.