For the month of October, I am joining many bloggers in a challenge to write every single day for 31 days. I learned about this challenge through another challenge I participate in most weeks. The “Five Minute Friday” challenge is going to expand to last the whole month! Each entry, will be five minutes unedited of writing on a particular theme – found on Kate’s blog.Today’s theme is “silence.”
In a full fledge anxiety attack, I just need silence.
Desperately need silence.
I hate anxiety.
I hate who I become in these anxious-filled moments.
Days like these, I feel like I need to wear a sign – “Please, excuse me. I am in the middle of an attack against my human nature. My anxious driven human nature.”
Silence in a Chaotic Spirit
I just need silence. It’s not that those around me, are corrupting me. It’s just that… My spirit is plenty-loud-enough for all of us. Anxious moments remind me of my need to self-isolate and try and figure things out. To quote a song – “Stop the world, I wanna get out/I need an escape away from this crowd/Just to hear You speak to me.”
I can’t face this crowd.
Crowd of noise.
Crowd of pretending I am fine.
Crowd of pretending I am not having a walking-anxiety-attack when I desperately want to be as joyful on the inside as I look on the outside.
I just want out. I want out of my skin.
I want to be the me that God created me to be.
I want to find the beauty God has in store for me and those I love.
I don’t want the spiritual war.
I just need silence to navigate the valley of death I must walk through, in order to meet the green pastures God desires to give me. In order to navigate these things, I must go to the Source. I must just “be still” before my Maker, and let Him be the One to help me through these things. I need to embrace the silence and opportunities to allow Him to heal my heart.
Further Reading: Psalm 23