12/15/14 – Paralysis

Posted on December 30, 2014

Update: I feel much better {emotionally-speaking] than I did when I wrote this. Thank You God. This is a reminder that the bad days don’t have to affect me emotionally for forever. I need to remember that things can turn around. I want this page to be flooded with those reminders for me and others. I need to remember the good works my Savior continues to do on my behalf… Physically, I am still mostly in bed (been that way for a week or two, but it’s not because of depression – just my exhausted body) – focusing on resting and taking it quite easily. But, I am okay with resting these last few days. So thankful for that!

Wrote on December 15, 2014

Depression.
To be depressed, is to be emotionally paralyzed.

It’s hard to move, whether it is to get out of bed, cook dinner or eat for that matter, and then anything else. It’s just paralyzing. It is the only way to define it.

I have spent the day, in bed.
I haven’t done much of anything.
Just sleep.
Just watch TV.
That’s the extent of my day.
Even to crawl out of bed, is a chore for my broken spirit.

It’s numbing.

I have all these things to do or work on accomplishing, yet I am getting nothing
done. Just can’t. Gotta find a way to break through this somehow.
My spirit is just broken.
I haven’t had my time in the Word.
I haven’t written, really.
I haven’t listened to praise music.

I don’t know what I am to do… Other than to sit here, and do nothing.
My patience is thin.
My grumpiness and desire to be alone is loud.

Sleep, may be the best cure.
Other than, praying as I can.
I can trust knowing God stays with me here.

Encouragement: See Psalm 43:5, 77:11

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