Loneliness and My Space

nouwenLoneliness.
How can it be soo incredibly loud?

When lonely, it can be easy to feel pushed away. It can be easy to feel that way without loneliness or depression’s help. Easy to feel not valued. Others, apparently, all have something far more important to say than I do. My comments. My concerns. My verbalized emotions put out there, when I have trusted others to help support me… They all get pushed aside. Whether they mean to or not, they do. They are pushed aside. They are ignored.

In this atmosphere of just me, a keyboard to write a blog, and away from everyone, this is where I feel like I belong. This is home. It is just me in my space: to think, to process, to pray, to dig into the Word of God, to draw closer to my Creator. My introverted ways come out, here in this place. To identify. process, and soothe emotions and a broken heart.

This space helps the loneliness to not be so very loud.
It quiets the loud noise of being ignored and pushed aside.
It is a place of absolutely hope.

In my life.
In God.
In Jesus Christ, my Savior.

The relationships that increase the loneliness,
The moments of being pushed aside,
They may still be there when I talk to outsiders again.
But for this short while, it is all good.

There is peace and not so much brokenness.
There is solitude.
There is comfort.

Through it all, it helps me to learn. to grow. To be encouraged.
Other’s actions reflect on them.
It doesn’t reflect on me, or determine my value.

As hard as it is to walk this muddy road, God is enough!
God listens to my words, cries, screams, groans. He listens to my prayers!
He helps me to know Him more.
He helps me to remember that He IS enough!

While many things are left to be pondered and evaluated, I can remain certain of one thing: My God is enough!
He is my Shepherd (John 10:10, Psalm 23:1).
He is the One who fights for me (Exodus 14:14).
He heals my broken heart (Psalm 147:3).
He prepares my hands (and heart) for the future battles I will face (Psalm 18:34, 144:1).
His peace transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

Because of the heartache, whether it is of others or my own emotions, I can enjoy sweeter communion with my Lord and Savior. It is not an easy walk. It has not been an easy journey. It has been heartbreaking. But somehow, God makes my life and relationship with Him more beautiful through it all. It deepens my faith, and draws me a step nearer to Him than I have ever been before. It teaches me a spiritual lesson that I need to learn, and hopefully I don’t need to relearn it too many times.

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